Jan 3, 2017
Thanks for tuning in. I am really excited about today’s interview. I came across Gayle Katz and thought she has to be here. She helps others to discover that they are not as fat, ugly and stupid and they think they are. Let me tell you why that resonates with me. I grew up with that story in my head. She is a recovering self-depreciator, I guess I am too. She works hard every day to not let her past dealings with toxic people interfere with her happy, present life. If difficult people have put you through the ringer, chances are she’s been there. She has been blogging not too long ago. She wrote two books designed to help you with toxic people. They draw from her experiences over the past 30 years. She is not a psychologist, but what she has done is developed real life strategies to deal with the toxic people in her life so she can live a great life. She shares that so you can live a great life too. Gayle, welcome to Heartrerpeneur Radio, thanks for coming here. Gayle: Thanks for having me. It’s great to be here. Terri: I am so excited to have you and I am being transparent with my audience. I did grow up being told I was fat, ugly and stupid. Even though I was underweight. I believed I was fat and then I got fat. I love when you say recovering self-depreciator. I have had toxic people in my life. First of all, talk to us about what do we do, how do we notice if we have toxic people? How do we push them out? Gayle: There are so many ways that somebody can be toxic that it’s much simpler to look at your reaction to them. So, if you are feeling sad, or angry or upset, or hating yourself after talking to someone, chances are, the person you are talking to you may be toxic to you. They are inherently making you feel bad. That is not a good thing. You want to live a great life and want to be happy. If there are people who make you feel those not too good feelings that is not good. As for getting them out of your life, that is interesting. It took me 30 years to figure that out. I grew up in the same environment. I was overweight and my father always let me know that. You are not the only one. I am not the only one. I finally realized that. The first thing you really need to do if you are in the middle of a situation, you need to diffuse the situation and take out the tension. If you are in the middle of talking to someone who is making you feel bad, stop doing what you were doing and try something new. Such as when you are in a conversation with someone, and they are trying to push your agenda, or they are saying something nasty, you can say, you are right. Whether you agree with them or not, how can you argue with someone who is telling you that you are right. Some people might have trouble with that. In those situations, you can say things like I understand. Or can you explain that. The beauty of those phrases is that it shows that you are listening. These people that are making you feel back, they just want people to listen to them. They might even be flattered that you are listening to them and taking their suggestions seriously. Those little words can change the whole dynamic of a conversation. Terri: I am sitting here and I am like shaking my head up and down saying, I recently got rid of someone toxic and it took me almost 2 years. I knew they were toxic and couldn’t get rid of them and finally, I just stopped arguing. Whatever he says, whatever. I am not going there and not going to get into it anymore. It made him almost give up. He told me one time, you are impossible. I am like, hmmmmm, it’s because I am not arguing. I wish I had you because I would have taken all of the power away. This is what I love about you. You give simple easy strategies and you are not coming from a psychology …